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Irish Drinking Songs, Part 2

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I’m on a roll after yesterday’s parody of “The Rattlin’ Bog.” One of Gareth’s favorite songs is “Whiskey in the Jar.” I find it humorously ironic that my one-year-old laughs and headbangs every time he hears it. I’d probably also think it was a little bit awesome if he learned the  words and started singing along, but I understand that the rest of society may not appreciate a one-year-old singing about whiskey. So I thought it was time to make the song more family friendly. As with any song parody, we all know it’s more fun if you’ve heard the original, so here’s a recording for you:

And here’s my version:

Goldfish in the Car
A Formerly Traditional Irish Melody

As I was getting showered in the leaky, moldy bathroom
I met with little Emmie, and her bottom she was scratchin’
So I wrapped up in a towel and then took off her diaper
Sayin’: Emmie, this is stinky; won’t you put it in the potty?

Chorus: Where’s my phone and my purse and my keys?
Hey kids, it’s time to go,
Hey kids, it’s time to go. There’s goldfish in the car

Gareth woke up cryin’, and Emmie whined for breakfast
I poured them of bowls of cereal, and they dumped them on the hardwood
I let the doggy eat it, and I swept up what she didn’t
But the devil take the morning ’cause it never will go easy

I went in to my bedroom all for to find clean panties
I dreamed of peace and quiet, of which I could use plenty
But Gareth stole a dolly, and Emmie slapped her brother
I text messaged their daddy, and I told him of the slaughter

As I packed the diaper bags, it surely did astound me
I’d forgotten about Gareth, and he’d nothing on his body
So I looked for some pajamas, for he’d outgrown all his clothing
I found him in the kitchen, and a dog bone he was gnawing

Emmie’d gotten dressed in a princess dress and rainboots.
She looked pretty happy, so I didn’t try to fight her.
But her hair was all in tangles, so I started brushing slowly
Still she started cryin’, said I’d given her an owie.

Is there anyone can aide me? Hubby, can you come home early?
But he can’t take vacation every time we have an errand.
When he’s home we’re saner and the kids don’t fight as often
And he always treats me better than our darlin’, little offspring

Now some moms take delight in the schedulin’ and schoolin’
And others take delight in their double strollers rollin’
But me, I take delight in the cuddles of my babies
When they’re cryin’ for their mommy in the mornin’ bright and early

My Kids Love Irish Music

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Whether we’re at home or in the car, if we want to cheer up Gareth and Emmeline and keep them quiet, we don’t turn on Raffi, Barney, or the Go Fish Guys. We turn on Irish drinking songs. Those kiddos of ours love nothing more than to raise their sippy cups in a rousing rendition of “Whiskey in the Jar” or “Finnegans Wake.” One song called “The Rattlin’ Bog” is a particular favorite. If you’ve never heard it before, here’s a link to one band’s version. Our kiddos prefer the Darby O’Gill version, but I couldn’t find it online. This appears to be one of the only legitimate looking videos of the song.

The Rattlin’ Bog

But I got to thinking that our kids don’t exactly know what a Bog is (it’s some kind of swamp, right?), so I thought I should come up with a version of the song that hits a little closer to home. That’s when I came up with “The Rattlin’ Van.”

There was a van, parked on our drive. Twas an old van and a rattlin’ van. 
The van parked in the driveway-o! 

CHORUS:
Oh ho, the rattlin’ van
The van parked in the driveway-o
Oh ho, the rattlin’ van
The van parked in the driveway-o!

And on that van there was a hood
An old hood, and a rattlin’ hood. 
A hood on the van and the van parked in the driveway-o!

(chorus)

And ‘neath that hood there was an engine,
An old engine, and a rattlin’ engine. 
The engine ‘neath the hood and the hood on the van and the van parked in the driveway-o!

(chorus) 

And in that engine there was a battery. 
An old battery, and a rattlin’ battery. 
The battery in the engine and the engine ‘neath the hood and the hood on the van and the van parked in the driveway-o!

(chorus)

And on that battery was jumper cables.
Old cables, and rattlin’ cables.
The cables on the battery and the battery in the engine and the engine ‘neath the hood and the hood on the van and the van parked in the driveway-o!

(chorus)

And in the cables there was a wire.
An old wire, and a rattlin’ wire.
The wire in the cables and the cables on the battery and the battery in the engine and the engine ‘neath the hood and the hood on the van and the van parked in the driveway-o!

(chorus)

And on the wire there was a spark.
An old spark, and a rattlin–

BOOM! 

There. Now that’s something they can cry in their milk about.